Hi there. I'm spending summer with my
family in Croatia and I'm having suspicions one of my relatives has had sex.
How can I be sure and how can I help them? I don't want them to burn in hell
but I also don't want to tarnish our family name. Please, please help!
Klodina Fisting
Dear Klodina.
Summer is perfect for meeting new people,
having fun and relaxing. But the worrisome trend is emerging - more and more
young people use summer vacation as an opportunity for casual premarital sex.
It is important to know, however, that sex is not a victimless crime. That's
why we'll teach you how to recognize and help a sex victim.
Symptoms of sex:
- Guilt. If you see someone crying, shying
away from conversation, keeping to themselves or talking really quiet, he/she
might be a victim of sexing.
- Overwhelming enthusiasm. Although the natural
reaction to sex is grief, many young people are having sex because they are
under the influence of drugs and alcohol, which induce enthusiasm. If you see
an overly enthusiastic person, they had probably just had sex or are being
groomed for it.
- Frowning. Also known as 'orgasm face',
it's the spasm in person's facial muscles caused by release of guilt hormones.
If someone is constantly frowning it's probably a sign of recent orgasm. But it
might just be an aftershock of an erection.
- Sunburns. God is kind but if you don't
obey his laws, He can't help you. Sunburnt people usually don't care about
God's laws, be it about having sex out of wedlock or going to the beach between
11 a.m. and 4 p.m.
How to help a sex victim:
1. Confrontation. You have to confront them
and make them aware they're not fooling anyone. You can try by saying: 'I can't
believe you just did this to your family and your loved ones...' or 'Your sweat
reeks of joy! Are you proud of yourself?'
2. Exorcism. Sex can stay in person's body
for days if you don't exorcise it. You can draw the sex out of their body with
sarcasm ('I guess you are also mature enough to start paying the rent') or
sincerity ('Seeing you burn in hell will break my heart, why are you doing this
to me?!')
3. Cleanup. The most important thing about
mitigating damage from premarital sex is to protect other people from being
exposed to it, in any way or form. Don't mention it to other people, don't ever
discuss it with victims (it might be triggering for them) and, the most obvious
one, completely remove any residual evidence of sex from victim's body (be it
bodily fluids, outfit or joy). Diagram shows the proper way to clean up the
victim:
Danny Croatia, sex theologist
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